The List
by anonymous7
Summary: Lois and Clark spend an evening watching television that makes Lois reflect on Clark's feelings for her.


I know I am behind on posting Boy in Black. The trip out of town threw everything out of whack. And then today, the first day since we came home that I had the time and the mental capacity to work on fic, I ended writing this rather than editing the next section of BiB for posting. Not to mention that I should be writing more of it… I hope to get the next chapter up soon, maybe even tonight if it's quiet.

So I ran out of Lois and Clark episodes and am now borrowing a friend's copy of Friends. If you wouldn't think that watching Friends would lead to story ideas for a Lois and Clark fic, you'd be wrong…

In this story, Lois and Clark are watching an episode of Friends – "The One with the List". As this story takes place sometime before "Lucky Leon" which aired in March of 1995 and the Friends episode aired in November of 1995, I've played with the air dates a little bit and moved the Friends episode one year earlier to November of 1994. I'd place this story in early March, so shortly before "Lucky Leon". This works well with both the content of the story and my memory of how television sweeps work (in the US) – February used to be a sweeps month (not sure if things still work this way) – a month when television watching is recorded to determine ratings, so new episodes would be shown in February and in early March reruns would be played (Lois and Clark are watching a rerun of "The One with the List" in this story).

No real knowledge of Friends or the episode "The One with the List" is required for this story, but in case it clarifies things, here is a brief synopsis of the storyline. Recently, Ross, who is in his mid-twenties, has found out that Rachel (about Ross' age) has feelings for him. Ross has had a crush on Rachel since they were in high school (maybe earlier? I can't recall), but has recently realized she'll never feel the same way and started dating Julie. While Julie is nice and has more in common with him than Rachel, he is unsure what to do given his long standing feelings for Rachel. So Chandler suggests he makes of list of the pros and cons of each woman. They start with the cons (as Chandler thinks this will be more fun) and never make it any further. The list ends up with a several negatives for Rachel (she's spoiled, doesn't have a great job, etc.) and only one for Julie, which is that she's not Rachel, and thus in the end Ross chooses Rachel. But moments after he tells Rachel that he has broken up with Julie, Rachel finds the list and is so upset that Ross has put together a list of all the worst things she ever thinks about herself and thinks of these as reasons not to date her, she tells him she's no longer interested.

There is a brief mention here of a different storyline and while you don't need to know what it's about I don't think, for those people for whom not knowing would ruin the story: Monica, an unemployed chef, has just taken a job for a food company that hopes to launch a replacement for chocolate – mocolate. (It's never clear what the benefit of mocolate is over chocolate.) She has been hired to create several Thanksgiving themed recipes using mocolate in an effort to make Thanksgiving the mocolate holiday. Mocolate tastes bad and does some strange things (like bubble in your mouth) making this a difficult task. (And for those who are interested, in the end, Monica does this only by creating recipes with only trace amounts of mocolate, which she's told is okay since the FDA does not approve mocolate's launch.)

While I do make brief references to other television programs and I constrained myself to those that did air during 1995, I didn't confine myself to the actual television schedule – in that they are supposed to be alternatives to watching Friends, but they did not all air at the same time (at least according to the schedule I found on Wikipedia). But then again, during a week in which reruns would be airing, the normal television schedule isn't always adhered to anyway.

There is a reference to Murphy Brown in this story, but I think I've included everything needed in the story. (Having only seen a couple of episodes of that program, most of what is included came from reading the first paragraph of the Wikipedia article on it, so there can't have been too much information needed.)

**The List**

I looked at the space between us on the couch and suppressed a sigh. Months ago, when this episode first aired, that space wouldn't have existed. I would have been pressed up against Clark's side, his arm around me to keep me warm, as we watched television. But not anymore. Now an entire couch cushion is between us and while it looks empty, I know it's not. _She _sits there – between us, like a brick wall.

Not that it's really her fault. I'd like to blame her, but I can't. Aside from being a bit pushy, she's done nothing wrong. It was me. I took too long to admit my feelings for Clark. She saw it before me, which is embarrassing since I'd known him so much longer. But somehow I had missed how sweet, generous, and kind Clark Kent was. By the time I realized it, by the time it occurred to me that I had given the wrong answer that day on the park bench, Mayson was already a presence in our lives. And while Clark hadn't really fallen into her arms or something, just her presence had made me reticent to say anything.

I guess I was afraid of competing with her. Mayson was pretty and she was blonde (Clark prefers blondes). More than that, though, since Clark isn't the type of guy who would choose girlfriends based on looks, Mayson was smart and strong, and she was nice. Even if I didn't like her, and I didn't, I knew these things were true. Add to the fact that she had seen immediately what a great guy he was, and I didn't see how abrasive, brunette, Lois Lane, the woman who had flat out rejected his offer of love once before, could really compete with Mayson.

So, I had said nothing.

When I first saw this episode of Friends, in my apartment, alone, I had liked it. Maybe it was because I didn't much like Ross or Rachel – they were both too whiny and gutless (even if I, too, was too gutless for go after Clark, at least I didn't whine about it), so I was happy for a reason for them not to be together. Maybe because aside from the whole Ross and Rachel drama, it was a pretty funny episode.

Whatever the reason, I liked it. As a result, the episode had stayed with me. I thought about it at odd times – if Clark were to put together a list, what would he say about me? I had trouble imagining it. While I was too scared to tell him my feelings, sure he would rather be with Mayson, I couldn't imagine him saying anything mean about me.

I mean, really, the whole list idea was sort of funny – if Clark were to put together a list, and I couldn't really imagine him doing so, he'd only do the pros. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body – I imagine the idea of writing a list of cons would make the poor guy break out in a sweat.

Clark laughed at something on the show and I realized I've missed half the episode. "Are you okay?" he asked, noticing that my mind had wandered. "You usually love Friends."

I smiled to reassure him. "I'm fine," I lied. "I've seen this episode before."

"Oh," he looked confused for a moment. "Do you want to watch something else? I thought you wanted to see this, but we can watch something else. Do you want to watch the news? Or…" he grabbed the TV listings section of Sunday's Daily Planet. "we could watch the X-Files? Or Murphy Brown?" He grinned at me. "You remind me a bit of Murphy Brown."

"Thanks," I said sarcastically. Not that I really thought he was wrong – like me, Murphy Brown was a strong woman who stood up for what she believed in. She was even an investigative reporter, although she worked in television, not print. But she was in her forties and, aside from her daughter, alone - probably a result of her abrasive personality. Did Clark think I'd end up the same way? Didn't I have a soft side that would come out in spades if I ever met the right guy?

"Hey," Clark said, looking even more concerned now as he put the television listings down. "What's wrong with thinking you have something in common with Murphy Brown?"

"She's alone," I pointed out.

"I didn't say you _were_ Murphy Brown," Clark replied. "Just that you remind me of her. You have the same desire for truth and justice that she does. It was a good thing, Lois," he tried to reassure me.

"And we're both obnoxious," I pointed out, ignoring his plea that this was a good thing, and hating the whine I could hear in my voice.

Clark gave a slight grimace. "Okay, so she's a bit obnoxious, but she's a TV character and it's played for laughs. You're not like that."

I gave him a pointed look. "I'm not?"

Clark sighed. "Do I think there would be a picture of you under the phrase 'sugar and spice and everything nice'," Clark asked. "No. But that's not because you're obnoxious, but because you're real. All sugar and spice would be boring."

"Would you ever do that?" I asked gesturing to the television, before I had the chance to censor myself. I needed to change the subject so I didn't admit how much I liked hearing his words.

"Do what?" Clark asked, turning towards his television to determine what I was talking about.

"Make a list," I mumbled.

"As a way to decide who to date?" Clark asked, incredulous.

"Yeah," I said, still mumbling, but a slight challenge to my voice now.

Clark laughed. "I'll let you know if I ever have a reason to do so," he smiled. "Not that I can imagine doing it, but I've never had to worry about two women fighting over me before, and I can't imagine I ever will."

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Clark," I told him, surprising myself with my gall. "Mayson's a great girl and she likes you. Why wouldn't someone else feel the same way?" I refrained from reminding him that I had said yes when he had asked me on a date a few weeks ago. Since those plans fell through and he never asked again, I had been scared to remind him, sure that he had decided he'd rather be with Mayson. I'd rather make that guess than find out for sure.

Clark's responding laugh filled the room. "'Mayson is a great girl'? What did you do with Lois Lane?"

"Okay," I admitted with a smile. "She's not my favorite person. That doesn't mean I can't see that she has a lot going for her."

"Still," Clark replied, "you don't need a list when only one person's attracted to you."

"What if someone else was?" I asked, trying to keep my tone light.

"You know of someone?" Clark asked. His voice, like mine, was light, but I could see the question in his eyes.

"No," I said, maybe a little too quickly. "This is a hypothetical question. So, what would be on Miss Drake's list? The fact that her hair color comes from a bottle?" I asked with a laugh, hoping to keep the conversation on this light, joking, clearly hypothetical note.

"Lois," Clark replied, with a slight note of warning in his voice.

"The fact that she's pushy?" I added, ignoring his warning. "The annoying way she clings to you?"

"Lois," Clark warned again, but this time I could hear the underlying laughter in his words.

"Come on, Clark," I goaded him. Just one bad thing – I wanted to hear him make one disparaging remark about her. I knew it was asking a lot for Clark, but I thought I'd feel so much better if he admitted she wasn't perfect. "Just name one thing, Clark."

Clark shook his head, still smiling at me. "I'm not playing this game, Lois. It's not nice."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Do you have to be nice all the time?"

"Lois," Clark said, his tone serious now, "I don't need a list. Even if there was someone else for me to choose from, which there isn't, I'm not interested in Mayson."

"You're not?" This admission knocked my joking tone away. He wasn't interested in Mayson?

"No," Clark said. "I just… Well, I've never been very good at telling someone so. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I like Mayson; I just don't want to date her."

"Oh," I said, not sure where to go from here without the joy I felt escaping into my voice. And there was no reason to. Just because Clark wasn't interested in Mayson didn't mean he was interested in me. I was still the girl who had shot him down six months ago. That would be enough to kill any crush.

I turned back to the television, trying to indicate that the conversation was over. I saw Clark looking at me closely before he gave up and turned towards the television also.

We watched in silence for a few moments, punctuated with a few giggles while Monica showed her recipe ideas to the mocolate guy before the episode went to a commercial break.

"What about you?" Clark asked, his voice soft.

"Hmmm?"

"Would you ever put together a list?" he asked.

"I didn't realize I had a need to," I replied, trying once again to keep my voice light. The soft, serious tone to his voice made me nervous.

"Well, maybe you don't," Clark said. "But you have in the past."

"I have?" I asked. This was news to me.

"How about last year? Superman and Lex?" he said, sticking to his serious tone as he turned back to look at me.

"No contest," I told him. "Superman wasn't interested. He made that pretty clear." For some reason, this made Clark blush.

"But before that," Clark said. "Clearly you hadn't known that was the case. I mean when you asked me to tell him that you wanted to talk to him…" he trailed off and I wished I could find a way to change the subject. I hated even thinking of that moment – of how self-absorbed I'd been to ask Clark to do that right on the heels of his admission. "You must have thought there was a chance."

"Not really," I admitted. "I think I was just looking for a reason not to say yes to Lex."

"But?" Clark looked confused. "If you were just looking for a reason to say no, why… I mean, when I…"

I could feel myself blush when Clark trailed off. Okay, score two for self-absorbed. While my answer was truthful, I hadn't considered how it would sound. But how to tell him how stupid I'd been back then without letting him in on my current thoughts?

"Forget it…" Clark mumbled, turning once again to the television, and staring at a Bounty paper towel commercial as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded, Clark," I said, wanting desperately to wipe the look off his face. I guess it didn't matter how he felt now – it wasn't any fun to hear me say I had never even considered his admission of love as a reason to say no to Lex.

"It's okay, Lois," he said. "I understand. You couldn't say no to Luthor for an ordinary guy."

Even from the side, I could see that he did understand. Or thought he did. The truth was I doubt he could, since I barely understood it myself.

"You're far from ordinary, Clark," I said instead.

Clark gave a shallow laugh in response as if to end the conversation. It was even good enough that I imagine it would have fooled someone else into thinking he had thought I was joking and had imagined the entire conversation was one big joke. But not me. I knew him too well. He was hurting. I shook my head at my insensitivity. How could I have said that? And did I really think that one nice thing was going to erase my earlier words? But something about the way Clark continued to stare at the television made me think I should just cut my losses this time.

A moment later, though, I laughed. "Can you imagine?" I asked him. "If I _had_ put together a list? Under Lex it would have said 'A little too charming. Is a bit creepy. May be sleeping with his personal assistant. Biggest crime boss in the history of Metropolis.'" I dissolved into giggles and to my relief, Clark joined in.

The episode ended a few moments later and Clark shut off the television. "Tea?" he asked me as he got up.

"Sure," I said, sitting back on the couch.

"Clark?" I called into the kitchen, barely believing I was doing this. Why couldn't I leave well enough alone? Why did I have this incessant need to know?

"Yeah?"

"If, completely hypothetically of course, you were to write a list about…" I took a deep breath half hoping the earth would open up and swallow me whole before I finished my question, "me, what would you say?"

Clark's head appeared at the entranceway between the living room and the kitchen and while I couldn't be sure what he was thinking, I hastened to add again, "Hypothetically, of course."

Clark smiled, and I wished I could see his eyes from where I was sitting. "Unwilling to let me lead our byline," he said, and I had to smile in response to that. "Gets herself into trouble so much, she's a danger to my health."

"Hey!" I said, laughing. "How am I a danger to _your_ health? I don't usually take you with me." I pushed the memory of the gambling club to the back of my memory.

The smile disappeared from Clark's face. "I worry about you," he said simply. "That something will happen to you and I won't be around to protect you."

I wanted to tell him that I could take care of myself, but the truth was that I was touched by this admission. I _can_ take care of myself, but I liked the idea that Clark wanted to protect me.

"I know you have Superman to do that," Clark added, looking nervous, "but sometimes…"

"I guess I can never have too many protectors," I said with a smile. "I do get myself into a lot of trouble."

Clark smiled, the unease leaving his eyes as he went back into the kitchen. He came out again a few minutes later with two cups of tea.

"So, what else?" I asked as I took it.

"What else what?" Clark asked and I got the feeling he knew what I was talking about, but was trying to change the subject.

"What else would be on your list about me?"

"Has the persistence of a pitbull?" Clark suggested.

"Very funny," I groused.

"What about you? What would be on a list about me?" Clark asked, then smiled. "Although, let me start – 'naïve, has a tendency to run off, kind of a goody-two-shoes…'"

"Kind of?" I interrupted and Clark laughed. "And don't change the subject. We were still talking about your list for me."

"Can we move to the pros?" he asked.

"Ross never did any pros," I pointed out. Of course, I wanted to hear the pros, but I also wanted to know honest answers to the cons. What was the reason that Clark had never asked me out again after our almost first date? I had been sure it had to do with Mayson, but if it wasn't, and now it sounded like it wasn't, than what was it?

"I don't have any other cons," Clark said, looking distinctly embarrassed.

"Most of the ones you made earlier were said in jest," I pointed out.

"I know," Clark said quietly, his eyes dropping to the couch.

"So then…" I trailed off. I had almost slipped and actually asked the question straight out. For a moment I feared that he was going to call me on it – ask what I had been about to say, but still looking uncomfortable, he didn't. Instead, he leaned over and turned the television back on.

"Seinfeld?" he asked, motioning to the television.

"Sure," I nodded. I wondered if I'd ever have the nerve to ask him why he hadn't asked me out again. I wondered if maybe he would ask me out again. And then I decided to scoot closer to Clark and wonder about Jerry Seinfeld's fake life rather than my real one. At least for tonight.


End file.
